


Paddock Parenting Group

by CustardCreamies, Historygeek12



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: F/M, Group chat, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:57:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12662220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Historygeek12/pseuds/Historygeek12
Summary: Inspired by Dave Gorman: The Paddock have a Whatsapp Group specially for the parents of the Formula One world. It’s where they can discuss kids, life and relationships. Also mutual hatred of Peppa Pig and Topsy and Tim.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like the summary says. A group chat fic co-written between me and Historygeek12. This was super fun to do and I hope you like it.....also that the emojis work.
> 
> Edit: The emojis don’t work and didn’t upload the text. So here’s trying it this way....ARGH!

Sebastian: “If I have to watch this episode of Peppa Pig one more time.....Toto how about I let you take constructors if you burn these Peppa Pig DVDs? I’ll tell the kids Santa borrowed them.”

* * *

  
Toto: “My kid won’t sleep! What do I do?!”  
Kimi: “Give then to the wife?”  
Toto: “the wife isn’t here.“  
Kimi: “Give them a drop of Guinness.”  
Sebastian: “Kimi?!”  
Kimi: “Worked for me as a kid.”  
Claire: “That explains everything.”  
Nico: “Toto. Lullabies. You need a soft soothing voice not angry Austrian.”  
Toto: “Not happening.”  
Sebastian: “So Terminator won’t sing to Jack?”  
Kimi: “Try Ring A Ring Of Rosies. A lovely lullaby about the plague.”  
Nico: “Charming, Kimi.”  
Claire: “The Big Bad Wolff won’t sing lullabies?”  
Toto: “He’s too busy watching Thomas!”  
Sebastian: “Turn the TV off. Tell him Thomas has gone to sleep.  
Claire: “There’s your problem! Too much TV.”  
Toto: “He stole the remote while I was in the shower!”  
Kimi: “He’s three. How can a three year old outwit you?”  
Sebastian: “This is Toto we are talking about.”  
Kimi: “True.”  
Toto: “Excuse me??”  
Claire: “this is why Williams got rid of him ;)”  
Kimi: “They packed him off to deal with the other toddlers ;)”  
Nico: “:(((((((((“  
Claire: “It was like The Secret Life Of Five Year Olds when you and Lewis were teammates.  
Sebastian: “My daughters make a better team then you and Lewis. They at least know how to share.”  
Toto: “and see this parenting thing?? When do you find time to sleep or have sex?”  
Claire: “men”  
Kimi: “when the wife tells me.”  
Sebastian: “Checked them off of the list last night. ;)”  
Nico: “Thank god for nannies. Me and Vivian had a date night!”

Toto: “how???”  
Sebastian: “Mad skills.”  
Nico: “Nannies.”  
Claire: “So I’m guessing Susie is too tired to *aubergine emoji* ?”  
Kimi: “Claire I am impressed.”  
Toto: “*eyeroll emoji*”  
Claire: “I am ‘down with the kids’ as they say.”  
Sebastian: “Ah yes my favourite emoji. Hanna used to go mad when I spammed her phone with it. Good times.”  
Kimi: “Poor Hanna. No wonder she gets underwear advice from Minttu.”  
Nico: “Vivian sends it to me ;)”  
Toto: “Susie and I have a hot sex life thank you.”  
Sebastian: “She What now?!”  
Claire: “Poor Toto. So sad he’s not getting any he pretends his sex life is hot.  
Kimi: “I do faintly recall you once spamming my phone with that emoji Seb. *smug face emoji*”  
Toto: “hang on Claire. It appears Sebastian came on to Kimi!”  
Sebastian: “it was an accident!”  
Kimi: “*smug face emoji*”  
Claire: “Aww such interesting lives that you want each other. I feel sorry for Susie. Getting none.”  
Toto: “I faintly recall this chat was about getting Jack to sleep. Not discussing my sex life.”  
Kimi: “Accident my ass. You grabbed my hand on that podium.”  
Nico: “Claire this is getting interesting. *gets the popcorn*”  
Claire: “so we have two drivers who want to fuck each other and a TP who is having a dry spell. Get the wine Nico.”  
Kimi: “......”  
Sebastian: “.......”  
Nico: “Oh Wow.”  
Toto: “Nevermind. I’ll get Jack to sleep.”  
Claire: “hey don’t leave me!”  
Toto: “Susie’s home soon.”  
Kimi left the chat  
Toto left the chat  
Sebastian left the chat  
Claire: “All by myself.”  
Nico: “You still have me. ;)”  
Claire left the chat  
Nico: “:(((((((“


	2. Gossip and drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broken toys, friendship and Toto gets lucky.

Toto: It's happened.

Toto: I'm so used to singing wheels on the bus to Jack when the bus starts moving that I actually started singing it on my own on the bus.

Claire: Susie married a dork.

Sebastian: Do you sing Susie to sleep? 

Toto: Shut it, Seb. Have you kissed Kimi yet? 

Kimi: I'm happily married. 

Sebastian: I'm happy too. 

Claire: Winding these two up is too much fun. 

Toto: Best part of my day. 

Sebastian: Well it must be since you can't get any with Susie. 

Toto: Shut up. 

Sebastian: Make me. 

Toto W has removed Sebastian V from the chat. 

Kimi R had added Sebastian V to the chat. 

Toto: *Groans* 

Kimi: Can't get rid of us that easily ;) 

Toto: I see. 

Kimi: *Smug face emoji* 

Claire: I have a technical question. 

Toto: What is it? 

Claire: Since when was I old enough to be the mother of my driver? 

Toto: How do you mean? 

Claire: Lance is so young. 

Sebastian: You hired him. 

Kimi: Seb, don't be rude.

Sebastian: Sorry. Tired. 

Nico: I have no shampoo left! 

Nico: Alaia poured it down the sink! 

Sebastian: Poor Princess cannot style his curls, what horror! 

Kimi: *laughing emoji* 

Claire: Buy some cheep stuff like we all do!

Nico: Vivian likes my curls. 

Susie has joined the chat. 

Susie: Does anyone else in this chat have those Vtech Toot Toot toys? 

Sebastian: Yes!!!

Susie: Jack loves his. But now the fire engine has started speaking German instead of English and I've no clue what's going on. 

Claire: Change it back? 

Susie: It's not supposed to be in German? I can't get it to turn back? 

Kimi: Ask your dippy husband? 

Sebastian: Kimi you're the one being rude now. 

Kimi: Shut up you. Or I'll add Hanna." 

Sebastian has left the chat. 

Claire: Now who is in trouble! 

Kimi: I don't care. He was being an ass. 

Susie: Seriously, nothing is fixing this toy. 

Nico: Susie just let it speak German! 

Susie: It shouldn't even be in German! 

Toto: Hehe! 

Susie: ......Toto? 

Toto: Yes? 

Susie: I'm going to kill you. 

Susie has left the chat. 

Nico: You're dead mate. 

Toto: She doesn't know where I am we are good! 

Nico: Out of interest where are you exactly? 

Toto: I'm not putting it on here you'll tell Susie! 

Nico: Me? Never! At least I wasn't the one switching the toys to the German ones!

Claire: I know Susie has a black belt in karate. 

Toto: Exactly why I'm hiding. 

Kimi has left the chat. 

Sebastian has joined the chat. 

Sebastian: Poor you. 

Claire: You're here now that Kimi is gone? 

Sebastian: Not intentionally. 

Claire: Like I believe that! 

Susie has joined the chat.

Susie: I found him! 

Claire: Where was he? 

Susie: Garden shed. 

Claire: Of course. 

Susie: Men. 

Claire: I'll drink to that. 

Susie: *Smug face emoji* 

Sebastian: Susie? Why is Toto begging me to hide him? 

Susie: Because he's a wimp. 

Sebastian: .....Right. 

Toto: Thanks Susie. 

Susie: You're welcome. 

* * *

_Later that evening....._

Sebastian: Question, how do you get crayon off of walls? 

Kimi: Elbow grease. 

Sebastian: Thanks Kimi. Real helpful. 

Kimi: No problem. 

Sebastian: So......

Kimi: I'm not sure. 

Sebastian: It's fine. 

Kimi: Okay. 

Sebastian has left the chat. 

Nico: Is something going on between you two? 

Kimi: What? 

Nico: You and Seb? Basically ignoring each other today? 

Claire: Yeah even I noticed. 

Kimi: We haven't been ignoring each other. 

Nico: Really? Because when I came over to Ferrari hospitality today you and him were eating lunch at different tables. You always eat together. 

Claire: And at the fan forum you sat by Valtteri. 

Kimi has left the chat. 

Nico:.....Damn this is serious.

Claire: Where is Toto when you need him?! 

Nico: Yeah it's been quiet without him. 

Claire: Maybe he's finally getting some? 

Nico: Toto actually getting laid? 

Claire: I know, shocking! 

Claire added Valtteri B to the group chat. 

Valtteri: Claire I don't have kids! 

Claire: I know but we need your gossip! 

Valtteri: And what gossip is that? From what I heard this chat has caused nothing but trouble. 

Nico: What was Kimi saying at lunch? 

Valtteri: Nothing much. Just that he apparently needed a friend since Sebastian is giving him the cold shoulder. 

Nico: Does he know why? 

Valtteri: He blames this chat. 

Claire: Oh. 

Valtteri: Apparently Sebastian took to heart the teasing here and basically now he's not talking. 

Nico: This is our fault.....

Claire: You're right......

Nico: Lets go find them. 

Claire: Yes. 

Claire left the chat. 

Nico left the chat. 

Toto: Guys? 

Valtteri: Hello. 

Toto: Guess what?!

Valtteri: What? 

Toto: Finally got laid. 

Valtteri: Congratulations. 

Toto: Why are you here? 

Valtteri: Claire added me and now they're off to mend the friendship of Seb and Kimi.

Toto: Oooh! 

Valtteri: I'll be going now. Emilia is calling me. Have fun Toto. 

Toto left the chat. 

Valtteri left the chat. 

* * *

 

Sebastian has joined the chat. 

Kimi has joined the chat. 

Sebastian: Hey. 

Kimi: Hey. 

Sebastian: I'm sorry. 

Kimi: What for? 

Sebastian: Ignoring you. 

Kimi: Why did you? 

Sebastian: The teasing on here for what I did. 

Kimi: It's fine just speak to me. 

Sebastian: I will, I promise. And I'm sorry. 

Kimi: It's okay. 

Sebastian: Still love me? 

Kimi: Of course I do. 

Sebastian: I'm glad. 

Kimi: *Kissy face emoji* 

Sebastian: <3 

Kimi: Beer at mine? 

Sebastian: Of course. 

Kimi: See you soon. 

Sebastian: <3 

Sebastian left the chat. 

Kimi left the chat.

Nico has joined the chat. 

Nico: Did Seb just tell Kimi he loves him?! 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment/kudo if you enjoyed! :D


End file.
